Feeling Better

So much happier. No more footy sleepers! In your face, Grandma and Mayra. Why do the do that to a sick person?  I do not like my feet constrained in a sleeper. My toes need to breathe and taste the air. So Mama got these from a friend. They are called Not Socks, and I like them because they are not socks.

They keep my legs warmish. Now if we could just convince Mama not to put me in polka dots. She's a nice lady and knows a lot about nursey, but totally clueless about fashion.

Anyway life is good.

She gets it
Okay, I admit it, I didn't think the new sitter knew her stuff, but she's very smart for someone with no milk. Mayra knows that I like my bouncy seat and my play yard. She also helps me talk to that Dude in the Mirror. He's so awesome. We chat about important things all the time. I told him about Mayra and how she has pacifiers and rattles. She's great. I told Mama she can stay...but only when Mama is gone. No other time.

No one seems to get it. I don't feel good. 

That Grandma person keeps trying to steal my snots. They're mine, lady. I don't care if I can't breathe.

Mama asked me to be good and sleep, but how can you sleep when you feel this bad? Why did this happen to me. I'm a nice guy. I don't deserve to be sick.

It's so bad I don't even feel that hungry. Just wanna sleep, but can't.

Need that horse
Big Big Brother moved his riding lessons to Sundays, meaning we all have to get up for church early and then go to the horse park. I didn't mind getting up early as I still got to nurse, but that meant I was bored during Sunday School. I started looking around and there was Katherine, waving a horse that was just the right size for chewing. Other James took it away from her and popped it in his mouth. I was hooked. I needed that horse too. I swung both arms back and forth, but arms are so stupid and useless. Nothing happened. 

I made my sound to let them know I wanted that horse, but they just ignored me. Other James had the audacity to say "Quiet Baby". Quiet my arse, I need that horse.

Then we went to the horse park and Big Big Brother showed me his horse. She was way too large to put in my mouth? What does he see in her. Nellik stuck her big nose near me, but Mama said I was not a treat and to back off. What is she talking about? Everyone thinks I'm a treat.

Now to plot my way back to Sunday School. I need a chewy horse!

The Beach
The One with the Beard came back, which made Mama very happy. But he's crazy. 

He wanted to go to the beach.  He made it sound like this great place where I could watch birds, sit back and chill out. But the beach is cold. 

First they put me in my car seat. Then Little Big Brother told me not to cry. Excuse me, people, I will cry when I please, especially when you stick me in a bucket.

Then the car started rumbling. I like rumblies, so this was all to the good. But then the rumbly stopped. And started again. And stopped. What gives? I need rubmly! 

Big Big Brother told me not to cry, and started to sing to me. I like his singing, but when the rumbly is gone, my heart just isn't in it. I needed to sleep. Couldn't sleep. Needed to nurse. Couldn't nurse. How could you not cry about these things? Utterly heartbreaking.

Then we got to this special beach. The Bearded One spent all his time fishing The Brothers out of the water, while I tried to nurse and chill out. Only Mama had her ridiculous blanket again. I need to nurse under the open sky. Why does she repress me?

Me chilling at the beach, not finding enough food.

Dude in the Mirror

I have found another friend. And he totally kicks Katherine, Grace, and Other James' butts. He is...the Dude in the Mirror! I found him when I was hanging out in my swing. He was just there, in the mirror, another totally awesome baby just like me. He likes milk, I like milk. He hates being changed, I hate being changed.

The only problem is setting up lunch dates with the guy. I can never find him when I'm eating. He's there at the play yard, and he's in my swing mirror, but not during lunch. I'm worried that he needs to eat. 

Anyway, he is awesome!

Mama says we are getting a new sitter. She asked the One with the Beard if he had any questions, and she asked The Brothers to meet her, but she didn't ask me! How could she do this? I have tons of questions:

1) Do you know about milk?
2) Do you have milk?
3) Where is the milk?
4) Are you obsessed with changing babies or can you let them freaking sleep?
5) Do you know about milk?

Honestly, why doesn't anyone consult me?

Why is my head wet?
Church got even weirder. The Brothers woke me up to tell me it was Baptism Day. They couldn't explain what that meant, but they were happy for me. Katherine was even more annoying when we got to the Mother's Room. She had puppies on her tights and wouldn't let me look at them. She has problems. 

Then that Mama person put me in a white suit! With a bow tie!  What am I, Fred Astaire? I demanded to be put back in my regular duds, but no luck. She added a bonnet. Seriously,  I couldn't imagine how the day was going to get worse.

It wasn't too bad, I closed my eyes and dreamed of nursing. Then someone else took me and poured water on my head. He said, "Welcome to the family of God".  I was a bit concerned of course, but he gave me back to Mama. I guess she's included too, despite her fashion choices. 

The One with the Beard was very pleased and introduced me to my godparents. I didn't know I had godparents, and they don't know anything about milk. How does this work? 

Then Grandma came and held me. We talked a lot. She played dumb about why anyone would dress me up like this, but it was fun to chat.

I have Superpowers
So far things have been okay with the new housemates. Just a few problems really. For one thing, they're obsessively clean. That Mama person insists that The Brothers wash their hands before they touch me. Apparently they do not know how not to play with dirt. Seems easy to me. 

They also change me a lot.  Even when I would rather eat. That Grandma is the worst. She picks me up when I'm comfy with Mama and carries me off. I've let her have it a few times. 

The worst thing is their obsession with feet. Seriously, I worked for nine months to get my feet free and out in the open air, and they stick socks on me! It takes me all night to get them off sometimes and then Mama runs around like a crazy lady, asking me what I've done with them.

Hah! I'll never tell. Time for milk.

Grandma says I'm gifted. Apparently The Brothers had a much harder time getting socks off. Little Big Brother could only manage the left foot. Buwahahaha.

Mad Men
It's always nice to hang out with Mama during Mad Men time. She gets so engrossed in what she is watching that she forgets all of this burping me business and doesn't interrupt. Milk...mmmm. Of course then she gets mad when I spit up on her, but that's just part of eating, right?

Mama devoted a lot of time before we started watching Mad Men today, talking about how she nursed Big Big Brother to Buffy and Little Big Brother to Veronica Mars. Not knowing what else to do, I cooed. It's great to coo, everyone thinks you agree with them and then you get more milk. I have no idea what she's talking about when she goes on about how Big Big Brother and Little Big Brother were babies (weird), but I stare at her intently. That tactic works great  for more kisses and milk too, as long as my eyes don't cross. No one takes you seriously when your eyes are crossed.


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